Vanishing Acts

"What if it turns out that life isn't defined by who you belong to or where you came from, by what you wished for or whom you've lost, but instead by the moments you spend getting from each of these places to the next?"

We went boating this weekend with Chase's family, so I was able to read the entire book during our trip. I came home with 50 pages left, and Chase left me alone for an hour so I could get it over with. I couldn't have slept without finishing it.

I think what I love most about Jodi Picoult is the way she ties you in to each character involved. Both in "Vanishing Acts" and "My Sister's Keeper" she uses each chapter as an outlet of emotion for every major character. You get to see the story from so many different sides that you feel tied to all of them. I think I loved this book the best because it's ending was happy in a sad sort of way. In "My Sister's Keeper" I just about threw the book out of the car window, and then I sobbed for about 30 minutes until I got over the emotion I felt. I cried during the last few chapters of "Vanishing Acts," but now that it's over, I'm at peace with the ending.

I can't imagine being Delia and finding that everything you have ever known has been based on lies. Who you are isn't who you thought you were...but...is it? Are you the same person even though you're name and story is different? Who would you have been if one little thing was changed...if she didn't lose her brother...how would her story have been different?

If I didn't meet Chase...or...if one of us decided we weren't really interested in the other...how might my life changed? Who would I be now if that wasn't the case? Would I have a child...would he be like Hunter...would he be better than Hunter (what could be better than Hunter...). Would I live in Colorado or I would I have stayed in Arizona? Would I have ever gone to Arizona. Meeting Chase has impacted every decision I have made in the last 6 years. Some of them have been based on the emotion of hating Chase (Jellybean). Some of them have been based on the emotion of knowing that Chase was everything I would ever want and need. But if Chase never existed, how would my life have changed?

What if Chase's parent's never got divorced. How would his life have changed, and how would it have impacted mine? Would I have met him...or...not.

Every decision that our parent's made as we grew up impacted how and why Chase and I met. Every decision in the past 6 years that Chase and I have made independly and together has impacted why we are together. If one little thing has gone astray...we wouldn't be here with each other.

That said...how can people think that everyone has a soul mate. How can people think that there is no such thing as a soul mate? Every decision of your life puts you with the person you are...but what if that person isn't who you are suppose to be with. What if they abuse you, or your child, or they are an alcoholic, or they just make bad decisions. Then, you get divorced, and remarried to someone wonderful. Who is your soul mate? The second person? Even though every decision you and your parents made led you to the first person you married? And that divorce from that first person led you to that second person?

If one detail of my life had gone differently...would Chase not be my soul mate? Or, would I have always found my way to him regardless of the decisions I made. If I decided to stay in Arizona instead of moving to Texas, would Chase and I be together now today? How would it be different.

Obviously you can drive yourself crazy with these questions...these "what ifs" and to me, that's what "Vanishing Acts" is about. What if? And What if it didn't?

I'm going to try not to give too much away, but, in Andrew's state, I would have done the same thing.

Read for power.

When I was in second grade my teacher told me I reminded her of Ezra Pound and told me the following quote made her think of me...

“Properly, we should read for power. Man reading should be man intensely alive. The book should be a ball of light in one's hand.”
As a second grader, I didn't quite understand, all I knew was that I loved to read. I truly do feel like a book is a ball of light in my hand. That quote so accurately describes me today that it's hard to believe that I was only seven when it was already decided what my future would hold.

Beyond everything else in this life, beyond being a wife (well, future wife), a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, I am a reader. A reader and a writer (blogger.) I've always felt compelled to tell my life through my writing, and feel incomplete without a pen and paper nearby, or, in my electronic case, my laptop. Both reading and writing open up new worlds for me as I live through characters I would have never otherwise known.

Last fall or winter, I heard about a book on Alice 105.9. The morning crew, along with tons of listeners were convinced that I (and the rest of Denver) needed to read this book. It's called "My Sister's Keeper" and it's by Jodi Picoult.
It took me a few months to track it down, but, I did, and I read it in the course of just a few days. I loved every minute of it, hated the ending, and felt the need to discuss it with anyone that would listen. Unfortunately, no one else I knew had read it, and even though my Mom and Brandi both eventually did, it was beyond when I needed to talk about it. I held my emotions and my feelings from this book inside. The emotions I felt were so raw I could have been Anna, or Kate, or even their mother. I was there. It was in me.

Since then, I've picked up several of Jodi Picoult's books, including "The Tenth Circle", "Plain Truth", and "Picture Perfect." With the exception of "Picture Perfect" I thought they were all fantastic, and "Picture Perfect" was pretty good. Today I got three more from Barnes and Nobles and I felt compelled to start this blog so I can discuss how I feel when I'm reading.

I started blogging in our family blog because I wanted an outlet to post pictures, as well as I needed somewhere to creatively express how I feel at any particular point in time. Without reading and writing, I'm only a wife. Only a mother. Only a daughter. Only a sister. Only a friend. Those are all wonderful things, but I'm not me, and I'm not able to express what I need to express. I'm hoping this will allow me to do that.

And so my blogging world begins in a whirlwind way tonight. I also created a blog strictly for my photography -- my professional life. Somewhere, somehow, I can see this opening doors for me, even if it's just personally.

Tonight, I'm going to start "Vanishing Acts."